Tag Archives: Saturday Night Live

Tina Fey’s Mother’s Day Prayer

Sunday May 8, 2011  Tina Fey’s Mother’s Day Prayer

A very pregnant Tina Fey appeared on Saturday Night Live last night and had a particular good time skewering sarah palin again.

She has written a prayer on this Mother’s Day and here it is:

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, may she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her when crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels. What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen.Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back.

“My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.


-Tina Fey

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SaraTina Fey Palin on SNL

We all waited with baited breath of the Saturday Night Live appearance of Saratina, the new comedy political character developed by John McCain to take attention away from the real crisis in the economy.

But what a let down it was, as we saw people talking to Sarah Palin like Alec Baldwin and Lorne Michaels but not one showdown with Tina Fey? What was up with that?

We were expecting the duo to shoot it out at the OK Corral and at least parody each other which would have been a great show. But instead we were shown Palin at the news desk saying she did not want to do the skit that was planned for her. Then we saw her rocking to a hip hop song serenaded by Amy Poehler and a couple of eskimos dancing and a dancing moose. That was it.

Something is not right about this picture, either Tiny Fey didn’t want to be in the same room with Palin or Palin refuses to see her own character flaws in the mirror.

If you missed it you did not miss much and it was not very much of a distraction.

Bookmark: Sarah Palin, Tina Fey, SNL, Palin on SNL, Amy Poehler, Eskimos, Alec Baldwin, Lorne Michaels, Saturday Night Live, distraction.